Cursed Drink

The Midnight Article "DO NOT BUY THIS" was written by u/Roblox838 and posted to r/MidnightPaper.

The text of the Article was as follows:

DO NOT BUY THIS Joško Đorđević, related to the ** ******* *** player Nemanja Đorđević, who is president of the Serbian company "Rajvačke", located in Rajkovac, has recalled their rakija over concerns that it might cause diarrhea or other diseases.

A case has already happened in the Kosovan town of ******** ********* where Valdet Manjani and his friend Gazllim Shkelyim vomited unknown hard cubes after drinking the rakija. Upon Valdet's son Shkelzën seeing one of the cubes, he also began vomiting, but he vomited spheres, also made out of an unknown material.

On the other side of Europe, Erling Olesen also vomited the cubes after buying the rakija from an international shop. Therefore Rajvačke has decided to recall all rakija. Shops around the world have began putting up recall notices and many bottles have been recalled and refunded already.

Description:

The "Cursed Drink" is an Object-Type Oddity made by the Serbian company "Rajvačke." It is a type of "rakija," a "fruit brandy" with an approximate alcohol level of 40% ABV.

Effects on the Body:

After consuming the Cursed rakija, an individual will begin to exhibit symptoms similar to those of food poisoning. Specifically, they will be struck with a bout of diarrhea and vomiting.

However, upon examining the waste expelled by the body, consumers of the Cursed Drink will notice something odd: their expelled contents of their stomachs will contain solid shapes. These shapes range in form, with some consumers expelling spheres and some expelling cubes. It can be easily inferred that other, unmentioned, shapes could also be expelled by consumers, including pyramids, for example.

Origins:

The origins of the Cursed Drink can be traced back to its manufacturer, the Serbian company known as "Rajvačke." The fact that this company began a massive recall of their affected product points to the fact that they function, for all intents and purposes, as any regular company would. Rajvačke appears to be bound by ordinary laws and are concerned with preserving their public image in light of the recent controversy. If they were a shadowy corporation, or a supernatural entity, for example, it is likely that they would not be concerned with such things as public relations and damage control.

Causes:

It is not known exactly why the Cursed Drink has these bizarre effects on its consumers. However, it can be inferred that one or more of the ingredients that went into creating the rakija has the consequence (either intended or unintended) of causing a small portion of the contents of a consumer's stomach to change into solid shapes. It is not known if the contents that become these hard objects are simply those of the rakija itself, or if the rakija is able to influence other semi-digested foods in the stomach and cause them to form these shapes.

It is also possible that part of the Drink's properties include its liquid content changing shape upon contact with the stomach.

Prognosis:

What becomes of the consumers of the Cursed Drink is unknown. However, given the fact that the Article was able to name and interview several of the affected users, it is likely that these people will live. The Article makes no mention of these individuals expelling other solid shapes from their bodies, so it is possible that once the body processes the contents of the rakija, it is expelled from the body without any long-lasting consequences.

However, this is purely speculation, as it is not known whether the affected individuals will continue to expel these shapes in their bodily waste. It is also unknown if there are other symptoms that have simply gone unnoticed, or if the affected consumers are experiencing some drastic, internal change that was not noticed by the time the Article was written.