Innerspace Rewind

The Midnight Ad "Say 'No' To Regret!" was written by u/sovereignrk and posted to r/MidnightPaper.

The text of the Ad was as follows:

SAY "NO" TO REGRET! We here at The Midnight Paper always enjoy bringing products that we ourselves find useful into the minds, and hands of our readers. I am pleased to introduce yet another great device from our friends at Innerspace Technologies. What appears on the surface to be an ordinary, yet fashionable, timepiece is anything but!

"How so?" you may ask. Well, this watch doesn't just tell time, it bends it! By simply depressing the face of the watch you will get the last 45 seconds of your life back. Yes, 45 seconds worth of time travel.

The Innerspace Reversal allows users to undo the most horrific and embarrassing moments on the spot. But let's not focus on the negative, imagine being able to re-experience the last bit of that amazing steak you had at Anton's last week, over and over again. Feeling that first kiss with a significant other more than one time. The possibilities are endless!

We know that many of our readers are very morally conscious, and may be thinking that a device like this, in the hands of the "wrong person," could be dangerous. Well, the same could said of a knife or gun. A knife, a gun, a bomb...these are all simply tools. The devices themselves hold no malice, that is in the heart of the user. Are Remington and Einstein culpable in the deaths that their creations brought about? Of course not! Scientists push the boundaries of what is possible, and that is just what our friends at Innerspace have done, once again!

Some of our more unscrupulous readers mus not be wondering, "why only 45 seconds?" Well, I was able to get a senior researcher on the horn, one Dr. Firrua. Here is what he had to say:

"Well, what we have found is that any amount of time above 1 minute, when going backwards in time, stresses spacetime at an exponential rate as the time gets larger and larger. However, any time under one minute leads only to tears in spacetime that can heal themselves, and of course we only allow 1 minute for ourselves and our gracious hosts at The Midnight Paper!"

Well, dear readers, there you have it! The bottom line is this: if you want to live life to its fullest, with no regrets, literally, then you NEED this product. Innerspace has never failed to deliver for us here at The Midnight Paper, and they will never fail to deliver to you! So if you want one of these beauties adorning your wrist, then leave $500 wrapped in a slip of paper with the quote, "no regrets!" and you will be the owner of one of these beautiful timepieces!

Remember, with the Innerspace Rewind, "there's nothing that can't be undone!"

Description:

The "Innerpace Rewind" is an Object-Type Oddity with the anomalous quality of being able to rewind time for its user for up to 45 seconds at a time. It was created by Innerspace, an Organization-Type Oddity that is seemingly always creating reality-bending pieces of technology.

The Innerspace Rewind has the anomalous quality of being able to manipulate the flow of time for up to 45 seconds at a time (for consumers, the scientists of Innerspace have a version that can go up to a full minute). Seemingly, the flow of time can only be manipulated by the Rewind (as its name suggests) in reverse. It allows users to relive the last 45 seconds of their lives, either just to re-experience a moment, or to change its outcome for the better.

Dr. Firrua, over at Innerspace, made some troubling statements regarding the way the Rewind works. He stated that manipulating the flow of time to alter it for more than a minute "stresses spacetime at an exponential rate as the time gets larger and larger." He then stated "any time under a minute leads only to tears in spacetime that can heal themselves." It can be deduced, then, that using a modified version of the Rewind to manipulate time for over a minute would lead to catastrophic damage to the spacetime continuum. Damage that, according to his statement, would not be able to "heal," and thus would be irreversible.

In typical Innerspace fashion, the company has no qualms about packaging technology that can alter the very fabric of reality as products and selling them at a pittance (in relation to their universe-bending power).