Tremendous Toads

The Midnight Article "Tremendous Toads Terrorize Town" was written by u/NotReadyForThisPaper and posted to r/MidnightPaper.

Text of Article
I wish this paper was a dream, though I guess it'd actually be a nightmare huh? Damned piece of trash.

I did my best to ignore it, just let it sit there, told Elliot-- sorry, E11I0T-- to ignore it too. And it was a pretty good two weeks. I heard the dumb knock every few days, but just didn't bother to get the door. Can't hurt me if I don't answer it, can it?

Elliot. That's a problem all in its own right. My house is spotless, and I haven't had to go grocery shopping since it moved in, or even cook for myself. It's like some kind of live-in maid. I had to confront it about going out and killing people though. That happened like four days after my last post, when I read a news report (in an actual fucking newspaper, mind you) about people matching my description still being killed. That was some serious bullshit.

It wasn't happy with me, but accepted my condition. The alternative was me chopping it up into little pieces and tossing them all in the trash, so Elliot didn't have that much of a choice, let's be real here. I'm not ashamed of blackmailing him, I don't really agree with killing innocents for no fucking good reason.

I don't have to justify myself to anyone, aight? I don't want to hear your shit. I'm actually pretty fucking picky about my work, and I'm good enough I can actually afford to be.

Elliot's got no justification.

I almost killed it five nights ago. I think it was just testing me, seeing if it had gotten any better. Son of a bitch had. I was winded by the time I disarmed and pinned him down.

Pretty sure that's why Elliot's been watching me, to figure out how I move and find a way past my defences. To try and appear more human, and it's working. It's movements have become more fluid, more alive. Like it's starting to understand being a person. That it's getting that from me kinda weirds me out, I'm not a good role model by any means.

But I guess I'm still human, so I'm not the worst one either. And it’s started blinking like a normal person, so ultimately I count it as a win.

I didn't kill it though, I don't know why. Maybe the way it goes submissive when I pin it down? Or that I knew it wasn't trying to actually kill me. It waited until I was aware of it being there and had acquired my own weapons before it attacked, like we were in a sparring match. I don't get it, I really don't. The way it thinks is utterly bizarre to me.

Anyway, I doubt you're reading this for the ”Tales of E11I0T the Android”, you're reading this to know about my second encounter with the bullshit Midnight Paper.

It's Elliot's fault. That shit brought it into the house the other night and untied it. I'd been taking a shower, and I came out of the bathroom to the fucker right outside the door and staring at me in confusion.

"Why are you afraid of that piece of paper that comes at midnight?" it asked me.

"I'm not fucking afraid of it, I just don't want to deal with the shit it brings. I've had enough of that for a lifetime."

"Brings? But it's merely a blank page."

My stomach dropped and I clenched my fists, "What do you mean blank?" Though I already had an idea.

"I was curious, so I brought it inside and looked at it. It's on the kitchen table. Scott, why are you afraid of it?"

I stormed past him and glared at the black newsprint sitting there, clearly mocking me with its open page and white letters. My fists opened and closed a few times before I sat down in the chair and picked it up. For all I know the mere act of opening it will cause it to come true, or me just seeing the white writing, so the only sensible thing to do was prepare myself for whatever was coming my way.

Fuck, I've got no idea how this shit works, okay?

I could feel Elliot watching me in confusion with those green eyes that glow a little under artificial light.

TREMENDOUS TOADS TERRORIZE TOWN

Inside of █████ █████████ City, the area of ████████ is experiencing a tumultuous time, dealing with a taxing problem of terrific toads. These toads are told to be the size of trucks, though there appears to be some variation from tractors to tiny tikes.

The troublesome toads are terrorizing the township, apparently tasting tender human flesh and determining it toothsome.

Betwixt twelve and twenty-two people have tempted the toads, disappearing down their throats. All townsfolk in the area are being told to hide themselves and their families, as to be sighted by a toad is to be targeted relentlessly. The elimination of the toad is the only thorough method of escaping the toads' terrible tracking.

Townsfolk, think twice before trekking to and fro today!

I had to read it three times before I got over the damned fucking alliteration enough to actually understand what it was saying. What thesaurus did they assault when they wrote that article? I'd like to assault the asshole writer, I know that much.

"Your eyes track like you're reading, but the page still appears to be blank."

Elliot's voice startled me, and I stared at him. All I could hear were the godsdamned T words in his voice. "What?" I said after what must have been ages.

"That page appears blank, but your eyes move like you're reading words. Are they written in some form of light that my artificial eyes can't pick up?"

Okay, less distracting that time, "Nope, I'm just the only one who can read it, or so I've come to understand. Some kinda weird occult shit or something, I've got no clue how, or any of that, so don't bother asking."

"What does it say?"

I almost didn't answer, but finally I shrugged and read the article back to the android, then rolled it up and tossed it expertly into the trash bin across the room. Elliot looked perplexed, and I eyed it as it sat down at the table across from me. I'd had to buy a second chair just for that, but somehow it seemed rude not to. It's a damned robot, and I'm starting to feel like I'm being rude to the fucking thing. What the absolute fuck.

"Do you believe what it says?"

"Yeah, I've seen enough evidence that whatever's written in that paper's true. But only if I read it, otherwise I guess it's not. Since you opened it, I figured it'd be better to be safe than sorry."

"I see." It stared at the table, seemingly deep in thought. But it didn't say any more, and after a couple of minutes of silence I got up from the table and walked back to my laptop, resuming some work from earlier. This next job was going to take me out of town for a little over a week. I'm hesitant to leave Elliot here alone, but the alternative is to bring it with me, and I don't really feel like road tripping with it halfway across the country. Well, that's a decision for later, I don't have to leave for another three days even from writing this.

Anyway, I bet you already knew I encountered the fallout of those papers. The 'tremendous toads' or whatever. I mean, they're just giant fucking toads, right? I still don't get the alliteration. Maybe the writer was bored out of their skull.

Whatever.

That afternoon I was out doing some shopping. I know I said I don't have to, and it wasn't grocery shopping anyway, I was buying some new clothing and I'd picked up a new knife from my blacksmith. I'd broken one while fighting Elliot, it shattered inside its body when I'd broken through its outer chassis. I think it spent the next day trying to fish pieces of the blade out before fixing itself. Which I still find satisfying as fuck.

I saw the first one when I was rounding a corner about four blocks from my house. It was watching the wall, but slowly turned toward me when I swore. Yeah, I cuss a lot, so fucking sue me, okay?

Anyway, I tensed up when I saw it, it was about the size of a toyota tacoma. And no, I really don't know why the truck name that popped into my head when trying to describe it started with a T. I'm fucking furious about that, okay? I don't like the idea that this paper and/or its creations are screwing with my mind.

Well, I didn't let it live, did I? Seriously, I'm not that stupid. I jumped at the bastard, and though it's tongue shot out at me, I managed to roll out of the way. I turned the roll into a pounce, my new blade drawing its first blood with that frog, splitting its face right down the middle. It fell to the sidewalk with a strangely squishy sounding splat.

Can accidentally using alliteration make you want to punch yourself in the jaw? I think I'm just overly sensitive to it right now.

Ran into two more on my way home, killed them both. Saw police facing off against another three. The paper was right, they really do vary quite a bit in size, the biggest one I saw was almost as big as the cab of a tractor-trailer.

Son of a fuck, you know we don't even call them that in this region? We call them semis! I swear, I'm going to find the asshole who writes that shitty paper and slit his throat. Maybe the real threat of this edition wasn't the toads, or frogs, or whatever. Maybe it's the damned alliteration worming its way into your brain like a sadistic snake.

That was yesterday. Today I woke up to Elliot standing in the living room and staring at another of them. It's a tiny one this time, I mean, at least in perspective of the others. Only as big as a tuffet. I don't think I knew what a tuffet was before I wrote that. Now it's perfectly emblazoned in my head without even so much as a google.

The toad or whatever wasn't staring at Elliot though, it keeps turning to stare at me as I move, it must have spotted me on my way home and I just didn’t notice it.. I guess Elliot let it into the house? Fuck if I know why.

I say keeps, present tense, because I haven't killed it yet. I kind of want to study it, maybe figure out why I keep thinking it's the size of a tuffet. It isn't trying to eat me, I think somehow Elliot's keeping it in line. His weird, unblinking stare's enough to creep anyone out, even a man-eating toad. Every time it moves, he moves a little toward it, and it freezes again. I don't know how long this can go on for, and nothing's getting done in this house so long as the toad is around. I guess if I ever have a reason to write about the paper again, I'll update you about what I do with the thing.

Meanwhile, Elliot's at least acting like a watchdog of some kind. An android that seems to want to kill me as much as protect me. Or maybe it just wants to be the one to kill me and won't let a toad stand in its way. I really, really just hope this isn't the start to me opening my house to a myriad of bizarre, unnatural creatures that all want to kill me and are just fighting for the chance. How fucked up would that be?

Description
The Tremendous Toads are an Entity-Type Oddity that display memetic effects. They appear to be large toads with a wide range of sizes, but otherwise lack any distinguishing features.

Supernatural Aspects
Memetic Agent: Observers seem only able to compare the toads' sizes to objects that begin with the letter T. The article about them was also written with considerable alliteration of the letter T, and subsequent papers sent to the same recipient also contained alliteration of other letters. This effect eventually ended, and was perhaps caused by a lingering of the toad's memetic agent.

Fixation and Appetite: When laying eyes upon a human entity, the toads become fixated on their victim, following them relentlessly with the goal of eating them. They seem unable or unwilling to change to a different target, regardless of difficulty. How they consume their meal is unknown, and based on later commentary by the recipient of the article, they seem to become skinny and desperate after several days of not eating.

Theories
None as of yet